Alter Ego - What am I escaping

I'm Claire and Clarissa The sassy British soul artist with a fun, extrovert vibe who entertains, celebrates and enjoys life is my alter ego.

She is everything I want to be majority of the time but when the show ends, I have to go back to being the anxiety filled, emotionally exhausted and self loathing person I've been my entire life. Treated like crap by people I thought I could rely on and made to feel never good enough despite giving all I have.

Funny thing is I'm so used to being a victim, I'm attracted to situations and people who deliver that familiarity and when people are kind to me I feel undeserving and uncomfortable ( cry when someone says something kind, deflect when people ask how I am )

This blog wasn't supposed to become a journal but hey ho - I can't exactly displease Wix 😂

The more shows I have the more positive interactions fill my cup and help me to "people please" and be around people in a different social situation which I feel empowered and heard.

I'm trying to get this out of my normal self but it's very hard especially going through the motions with things in my home.

Gym, family life, perform ( and all the admin & I juggle along with it, which is a lot by the way ) ..